I got a COVID infection a while ago that permanently disabled me pretty bad. Bedridden, unable to move much, etc.

The thing that really helped me was relaxing and listening to music. That’s what I spent my days doing as I couldn’t do much else. I became a real music nerd and just loved the bliss of hearing music.

A little later (two years). I got another COVID infection — I was taking very strong precautions, and couldn’t see anyone. It turns out I got it from my doctor. Anyways, this infection caused some brain damage which has caused me to mostly loose the ability to hear. And now I’m still mostly motionless alone in bed, but I haven’t even got the comfort of sound or music. Just a mostly silent (tinnitus filled) world.

I’m so scared of getting covid again. But mostly I miss the world and my old life. Being stuck alone in bed with only the internet for company sucks. People tend to be arseholes online. I can’t help but feel I got “natural selectioned”. Me and my wife were planning on having kids soon. Now I barely see her and I’m going to slowly die in a nursing home. There are specific genetic vulnerabilities to illnesses, and natural selection works with them (see what Europeans coming to America did). And I got fucked here. COVID was my end.

  • RagnarokOnline@programming.devEnglish
    1·
    9 months ago

    You have had a major loss.

    I’m glad you are still with us to share this story. You wrote in such a clear and eloquent way; it’s clear you cared very much about us that you took the time to communicate effectively.

    My father is currently in a nursing home (just for normal end of life stuff). He was a deadbeat most of my life and treated his health really poorly.

    It’s cruel that he was able to live the way he did and live for so long, while you’ve done nothing to “earn” your maladies; yet, you’re both in a similar situation (except no one wants to go see him, because of him being a PoS for most of his life). You don’t seem like a deadbeat or a PoS, so as far as I’m concerned, you win.

    I hope things turn around completely for you and you’re restored back to full health.

  • Rentlar@lemmy.caEnglish
    1·
    9 months ago

    I’m sorry for your loss of the lifestyle you cherished. Just a random thought: If hearing aids won’t work for you, you could try feeling music instead of hearing it, while it won’t be the same, sensing the underlying beat could help evoke your imagination again and possibly help you rediscover your favourite tunes and new ones.

    Definitely the internet is a mixed bag, with lots of doom and gloom, and more cynical and controversial takes elevated to the top. There are also corners of the internet that are positive, definitely go visit them more. Reading fiction and learning from non-fiction literature may be more of a personal comfort than the internet may be.

    • TimewornTraveler@lemm.eeEnglish
      1·
      9 months ago

      someone tells you major life altering loss and grief from two years ago, don’t try to offer solutions to fix the problem.

      EDIT: yikes, the internet really is a cold place. yall are really a bunch of unsympathetic fixers and know-it-alls aren’t you? have you ever heard of commiseration? the fucking arrogance of those of you who think you can just waltz in with a solution.