• partial_accumen@lemmy.world
    1·
    1 month ago

    Some notes:

    #1 You present your evidence that him changing his position would be a good thing (for whatever good means here). However, you can’t force someone to adopt your position. You can present your argument. Further, you can enumerate your boundaries. If the position you’re arguing that he isn’t adopting crosses one of your (reasonable) boundaries, you can enumerate what kind of impact it will have on you, and how you would react.

    #4 sounds like straight up manipulation. If my partner strokes my ego just to get their way instead of their appreciation/admiration being genuine, that would be a dealbreaker. You don’t have to like all the things I like. I’m allowed to have preferences, that may not match yours, and I respect your preferences that may not be mine. However, don’t be dishonest with me and my feelings just to extract some kind of concession from me.

    #5 You are fully within your rights to establish where your boundaries are, but you need to clearly communicate those to the other person. If you only give away the “cookie” after a relationship has reached a certain point, thats your choice, but fairly early on in the relationship you need to communicate that and let them make their choice. If they leave you because their expectation of receiving the “cookie” is different, thats a good thing. It means you weren’t compatible with each other’s needs/desires. You are both better off.

    #6 We’re all a little crazy or broken. In fact, thats usually what makes us unique. When someone accepts you for who and what you are, that is a truly loving experience. However, they can only know who you are when you share it with them. When you do is up to you both how you develop the relationship. The “maintain the mystery” is a bit concerning though. That sounds like game playing.

    #7 This is just a repeat of #5

    • Fecundpossum@lemmy.worldEnglish
      0·
      1 month ago

      Yeah, at no point in my dating life did I ever continue seeking relations past week three. If we’re not fucking by week three, we’re just not fucking.

        • Fecundpossum@lemmy.worldEnglish
          0·
          1 month ago

          Nope. Never wanted to waste my time to find out someone was terrible at intimacy. Wife and I slept with each other on our third date, and all these years later still can’t keep our hands off each other.

          You do you, but that puritanical shit was always a red flag for me.

          • meep_launcher@lemm.ee
            1·
            1 month ago

            Also I never understood “take it slow”. What’s slow? 90 days? A year? 2 years? A decade?

            Then there’s the “you should be single for a bit”. Okay I’ve been single for 5 months, but then “no I’ve been single for two years”. You mean I’m not supposed to have intimacy for some arbitrary amount of time? I’m supposed to ignore any advance by anyone no matter how great they may be? I’ve missed so many good eggs that way.

            • Fecundpossum@lemmy.worldEnglish
              1·
              1 month ago

              I’ve always been of the understanding that people who do the whole “no sex until “x” event or time span” thing seem to consider sex to be a transactional performance, as opposed to raw form of human connection. They expect commitment to come before that connection, and use their withholding as a form of manipulation. To which my reply was always “Next”

          • Jessie@lemmy.ca
            01·
            1 month ago

            that puritanical shit lmao who said anything about this being religious? I don’t follow anything.

            It’s called “being queer & careful with your partner; getting STI tests, getting to know each other, adjusting to each other’s rhythm”

            sheesh…