Sorry for the shift in tone here but this is absurd…

I will continue to show up when it matters and do things like actively promote a great documentary on the day trans people’s rights were stripped away from Iowans because of our dumbass legislature, because I cried watching friends of mine in that room being actively hurt by a government that should protect them. And continue to do the hard work to change the minds of bigoted people in my community, but yes let’s pretend I’m just virtue signaling on an anonymous forum for “optics”. I am actually doing real work and I won’t apologize for not having patience for people saying I don’t do enough because I say mentioning maybe Harry Potter in the proper context is probably fine. It’s not the thing we need people paying attention to right now.

There’s so much more hurt out there. If we boycotted Harry Potter entirely and wiped it from existence in an instant, the average trans persons life doesn’t get suddenly get better.

It’s fucking irritating. We’re wasting breath talking about one stupid fucking lady and an imaginary wizard pretending it’s a leading issue for the trans movement. You can hate me for saying it, but I’m fighting for bigger change than trying to make JK Rowling irrelevant. I would rather raise awareness about the systemic harm that I’m actively witnessing in laws being passed removing trans people’s protected status. That’s a FAR bigger issue.

I appreciate it.

There was a part of me that got tired of being shouted down because I wasn’t whatever they wanted me to be. Or being told that I can’t have an opinion because I’m not one of the people affected.

I mean generally I agree with that. As a white dude, it’s not OK for me to pretend that my opinion on the treatment of black women is accurate, or even that I can fathom what that is like. However, there is some level of voice I need to have to be a part of the movement.

There was a massive rise in this sentiment that people needed to support these groups they weren’t a member of but only if they were completely silent. You need to build a movement and people generated apathy on some topics. I remember sort of giving up talking about things because I had every so slightly different perspectives, and I would get cast into the “you aren’t a real ally” bucket.

I’m also not convinced I’m right all the time either… I’m constantly listening and changing my perspective, but you need to leave room for people to do so. But that’s what I mean by building durability. My beliefs in trans rights are strong because I have challenged, listened, and adapted. They are truly my beliefs, not just things I’m told I need to believe in.

You’re actively alienating people from the movement you say you’re a part of.

You are doing more damage than I am, and continuing to alienate people over your perception of a strict adherence to what is right is not helping.

You’re trying to use childish spelling to say I can’t get over not having Harry Potter. I’m not even arguing it’s good. I probably bring it up maybe once a year? And pretty much always with a caveat of wishing the author wasn’t such an asshole. Yet that isn’t enough for your purity test apparently. I would reflect on the fact that you need allies that you don’t agree with to build a movement. Right now you’re narrowing your scope to a tiny percentage of people, all because you can’t imagine that maybe you aren’t fully and totally correct on this topic, and you want to try and belittle me into agreeing with you.

I don’t think I’ll continue the conversation from here. I hope you limit further damage and alienation to people trying to be on your side.

I want to be respectful here, but this has a lot of issues embedded in it.

This kind of rhetoric rises from what I’ve called the Authoritarian Left, which is an immensely detrimental wing. It’s a group where there is no nuance.

You say that if a trans person says it’s hurting them I should stop doing it. OK, but what if a republican says it? Now suddenly I should ignore them? You can’t base your entire ideology on what members of groups say or demand that others adhere to yours simply because you think you’re right.

I love trans people, and I actively fight for them and their rights. But why? I’ll tell you, it’s not because Democrats told me to love them, or a religious leader, or anyone in politics. I looked at the world critically and found their cause worthy.

I’m a durable ally. I’ll stick with it when it’s not cool or trendy, or when it comes at a cost. But that’s because I arrived at those truths myself.

To loop all the way back to the premise - if talking about Harry Potter at all hurts Trans people, then this post hurts trans people. If you disagree with that, then nuance exists. And I’m saying in the nuance of how and who I talk about any topic with, I know and understand that those people understand the situation.

I don’t make public posts about Harry Potter. I often talk about how JK Rowling is a garbage person. My friends have a Harry Potter party that they’ve been hosting for years, and every person there is of a similar mindset that trans people deserve so much more than they are getting.

You have to allow more than one idea in your head at the same time. If you’re making the rule “talking about Harry Potter in any way, at any time, makes you an active enemy of the trans movement”, then that’s not a place I want to be associated with.

If you want advice - focus on how JK Rowling is harming people. Elevate that as much as you can. When you make these purity tests, you make people not give a shit because it makes it impossible to adhere to the strict and narrow path you say is OK.

This authoritarian left wing of democrats is what got Trump elected. They are so hard nosed on every issue they completely isolate people and make these issues harder to fight for, not easier. You’re heart is in the right place, but we live in a world full of nuance, and the real trick is not scolding people into adherence, but it’s coalition building and asking people to think critically about their choices. They have to find their beliefs, you can’t just demand them.

I think these hard line stances do more harm than good.

My wife and I are active in not supporting any new things, but to talk about how you think it’s morally wrong to even talk about the franchise is going to alienate a ton of people.

I feel fine talking about it, and the memories I had with it. Because everyone I surround myself with is completely aligned that Harry Potter was meaningful when we were kids and also JK Rowling is a complete fucking asshat.

This sort of purity testing has got to stop. If mentioning the name of Harry Potter marks someone as a transphobe who is equally as bad as politicians actively stripping them of their rights… The movement will never build a coalition.

Saying that financially supporting JK Rowling is actively harming the trans community is a reasonable argument. Saying that talking about Harry Potter, even if you note that JK Rowling sucks, makes you an outright transphobe is not reasonable to me.

I don’t like most of the responses here so I’m offer my own. Love is not found it is built.

My wife and I got married young. I’m 34 and I’ll be celebrating my 9th anniversary in under a week.

Love is where all those things come together. We have the deepest friendship. We’re weird in the same ways and we’ve basically developed our own brand of humor. I can make my wife laugh literally with a look.

Love is also a commitment to never, ever bail. It’s unlike anything else. With friends, you still try to be good company or you wouldn’t tell them the deep thoughts. But my wife and I can share anything. We’re so intertwined that there’s more understanding than judgment. We can say things we don’t like about people, about the world, about ourselves. We can be truly vulnerable.

We didn’t find love, we built it. From 25 to 34 I’m a phenomenally different person, but we’re like two planets oscillating around each other. Our orbit influences the other, and vice versa. We never would have been these people if we weren’t together. With most friends I feel like they may have some influence… But in marriage it’s just undeniable.

It’s a truly unique thing. But I will say I couldn’t understand it until I had it. And I still don’t. Dating for 4 years wasn’t the same as marriage after 1 which wasn’t the same as marriage after 5 and that’s not the same as it is now after almost 9 years. It’s always growing, always deepening, and it’s just insanely personal at a very deep level.