I sit down next to a guy on the train.

ME: Loads of cycle paths around here.

HIM: Really?

ME: Loads, mate.

HIM: How’d you know?

ME: There’s signs, aren’t there?

HIM: I guess?

ME: I love them.

(47 minutes of awkward silence.)

When we reach my stop, I get off the train with my bike. As I leave, I notice the guy suddenly looks relieved. As I walk away he looks at me like I was a random crazy psychopath on the train, then it finally hit me.

Tell your mom to stop faking jellyfish stings, I’m not going to pee on her

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Excellent. chef’s kiss

They can, but choose not to

I prefer to finish pooping before receiving a high velocity enema

Tenacious KG did nothing wrong!

Basically this