There is this girl I like, she knows I would like to go on a date with her someday. She isn’t sure what she wants at the moment. That’s all fine but I genuinely begin to develop feelings for her. And I just don’t really care all that much for a friendship anymore. It screws with my psyche, it’s like only being allowed to smell a fine wine instead of drinking it. (bad analogy, but fuck it)
I’ve had enough. I just want to tell her I don’t like seeing her on just a friendship level any more. And if she doesn’t see me as a romantic partner, which is totally A-okay fine with me, but it will mean I’m walking away from this friendship all together. At the same time I don’t want to force her to make a decision (she sometimes has trouble saying no). And here’s the real son of a gun, she is highly suicidal and takes endings of friendship badly (as she herself has said).
So does anyone have any advice to spare here? Yes, I’m a terrible person so think of it for her sake. Because the friendship is going to end, one way or the other.
I’d like to be friends but only if we can have sex.
Doesn’t really sound like a rock solid friendship there.
That analogy is unfair to our genial mobster Fat Tony. People in romantic relationships often do everything friends would do and more. Fat Tony isn’t pursuing a romantic relationship because he’s shallow. He’s looking to back out of the relationship because it’s too painful for him to not have the romantic aspect.
It’s going to be much less common for people to avoid friendships because they’re so horny for the person they get blue balls. In your analogy, the person doesn’t want the friendship because they don’t even like the other person’s company and only want to fuck. Fat Tony likes this person too much.
Not enough to value her friendship, feelings, personal experiences, shared experiences and bond they had over potentially banging her!
“Possibility of sex, or else I’m throwing it all out.”
How romantic. 💖
Exactly! “Hey, being a friend is great but not great enough that I value it if you won’t sleep with me!” And worse, the guy seems to know she’s in a bad place and is just “yeah, sure, but what about me??? I wanna sleep with her, she knows this and hasn’t acted on it so either lemme bang or gtfo, fuck your mental state.”)
Also, love the picture.
A) It’s not an analogy, it’s a summation of facts.
B) I would put heavy money says F Tony finds this person fairly attractive and bizzarely, this situation hasn’t arisen with an unattractive female friend.
C) I’ve been that asshole, I get it. But personally, a huge part of maturing from a boy to a man was learning the difference between friendship and romance, and that a friendship with an attractive woman who seems super compatible doesn’t mean a romantic relationship is the next or best step. (Also, how fucking shitty is this to our lady friends?) It’s a weird lesson and not one that everyone learns but my God, the world opens up once/if you do figure it out.
Maybe your old self is projecting a lot of your past struggles into Tony here. You’re the one equating taking a girl out on a date with having sex.
Maybe but I think you either really want this guy to be the good guy here or you’re not reading particularly critically. This guy makes an actual analogy of friendship as “like only being allowed to smell a fine wine instead of drinking it.” which is pretty gross, like the point of friendship is actually dating or nothing. (No one buys a wine to smell it, whereas most normal people can just be friends of whatever gender to be friends.)
And this isn’t a case of “she just doesn’t know how I feel!” as he states at the beginning she knows, so she is un interested or not in the right space.
And yeah, “You’re the one equating taking a girl out on a date with having sex.” because what most dating is about is a platonic hand holding?
I get I’m online and this place skews young, male and not particularly social but this is fairly goshdarn creepy. Like, is this guy unable to function around interesting women who have partners? Or is it just that this woman has the audacity to be single while he’s single and RIGHT HERE and they’re already friends so clearly she owes him? Ugh.
Edit: I don’t think Lemmy has enough women for a vibrant NiceGuys community but if you’re still on reddit, you should give r/NiceGuys a whirl. It’s kind of full of this self pitying “but I’m her friend, surely she should want to date me” kinda creepiness.
Perhaps.
I think you’re making a mistake though only thinking there is platonic and sexual. There are romantic aspects to many relationships which are neither.
I think it takes a wild leap to say that the guy who compared being friends and unable to date as smelling wine but not being allowed to drink it, what he really wants is the soulful bond of a romantic relationship in an asexual manner. That’s just a completely wild interpretation supported by nothing other than, I dunno, wanting it to be the case?