Posting this because I can’t really talk to my family or whatever. I have one main friend but I don’t think she cares on a deeper level so it always just feels like I’m alone. Who do you guys turn to for help? It’s always been a struggle for me, it’s like no one is really there. It feels like I’m living the same day over and over again and I’m not contempt with my own thoughts and it’s hard for me to get over it. I’m not sure if I’m just depressed and I’m so good at hiding it or I’m just so numb to everything. I forget so much of my past and it’s so hard for me to sit with myself and figure out what the fuck is wrong with me. I just lost something so good in my life because I made a big mistake and that’s also something I won’t get over. I can’t win things back and it’s sad to accept reality of things. Sorry for this depressing as post but I don’t have anyone to really talk to
If you need to unload deep emotional shit, that’s for a therapist. They have clear boundaries and can be detached from the situation. As a parent of a 26 year old man who can’t function without calling his mom multiple times a day to complain about fucking everything—don’t use people close to you for that. Or if you have to, don’t do it often.
They don’t really know how to help you in most cases, but it puts your burdens them. The phrase our son’s therapist uses is to be your own tape and glue.
That said, you also probably need just mundane social interaction, too. Friends. Best bet for that is get involved with something people do together. Karaoke night, classes, biking, activism, church if religion is your thing.
If none of that works for you, try functional alcoholism. I’m not saying it’s a good idea but people have relied on that for thousands of years, and when/if it causes enduring to crash down, you’ll have court mandated sobriety groups. I hope this is clearly tongue-in-cheek, but the serious answer here is when you look around and wonder how everyone else is holding their shit together and you’re struggling, the answer is they aren’t, they are just hiding it for the most part, and until quite recently, heavy drinking was a socially acceptable form of self-medication.
TLDR: Find a hobby to distract yourself. Give yourself something to focus on that isn’t whatever is bubbling beneath the surface that you have no outlet for. Get some therapy so that you do have an outlet for that stuff because it’s not kind to lay heavy stuff at others’ feet.
PLEASE DO NOT SELF MEDICATE WITH BOOZE OR OTHER SUBSTANCES.
You are Canadian and you have options. I self medicated with booze and lost most of my life to alcoholism because there was no mental health help for me then. It simply didn’t exist. That’s a terrible suggestion to someone having a mental health crisis. This person should be ashamed of themself as should those who supported the suggestion.
That and your parents should be there to help you. As I have learned from our interaction they do not. Normalizing this person’s ideas of morality is fucked. Please don’t listen to this bullshit.
People will care about you but this person does not. They are suggesting things that can only further hurt your.physical and mental well being.
You saw where I said it was a bad idea and not to take it seriously right? It’s just a fact that this WAS the solution for too many people for too many years. And super unhealthy as it was, it’s how people coped until their either died or fell apart.
I get you don’t see the humor in it, and that’s okay. I even called it alcoholism which anyone can recognize is a bad thing, right? I didn’t suggest having a little alcohol to loosen up or to numb those feelings, I went straight to you can always just fucking make things even worse.
But also, in the past people drank heavily as a coping mechanism for all kinds of physical and mental pain. It was a BAD mechanism, but it’s how people hid their pain without dealing with it. It’s why people think their parents were so good at dealing with difficult times. They weren’t, they were just covering it up with alcohol and they got lucky through selection bias.
Is that sufficiently direct? Sorry to ruffle your feathers, mate. My father and son are both in recovery. Dark humor is how I deal sometimes.
Sorry for my directness but I have many of the same problems this person speaks of. It is very easy for me to relate to them. The big difference is I am 50 years old and have dealt with this shit my entire life. To me, even joking about self medicating with booze when someone is reaching out for help is exceptionally offensive.
I am someone who lost years of my life, jobs, relationships, money, stability, trust and more to alcoholism caused by untreated mental illness that for most of my life was even frowned upon as a real medical condition and in many circles still is.
I can appreciate your point if view but I would really ask you to consider the seriousness of things as opposed to the levity of them when it comes to another human’s well being.
Me, too. And I feel like you think I’m not allowed the same authenticity in how I deal with that subject, but I disagree. A very serious lecture is fine but it isn’t the only way to communicate a point.
You are certainly allowed to be offended but I rather think you are missing the point.
Whoever said jokes aren’t serious? You’re old enough to appreciate Carlin, Pryor. They made careers joking about serious things. I joke about serious things all the time. It lightens the tension and makes serious subjects a little more palatable. It feels less like a lecture and more like friendly advice. Advice that was very clearly and openly stated not to turn to alcohol to the point that I thought it might be rather tedious to belabor such an obvious point.
I’m very sorry that my manner offends you, and that should preclude reasonable conversation on a subject about which we both agree. However, I completely disagree that your emotional reaction must dictate the one true way to talk about this subject. By all means, share your advice and experience, but kindly leave me out of it.
I will not Americanize myself for your benefit. I will not remain silent when I see something that affects another human negatively. I will stand up for them as others have stood up for me. I will keep my humanity thank you and even fight for it.
I worked as a paramedic for almost two decades. I saw the outcomes of your joking and people’s negative attitudes towards those with mental health issues. I held the dead and dying, I comforted the sick and weak. I did my best to help them and failed often. It drove me into the same place as all those I helped at work. I won’t encourage that from anyone. Ever.
I’m glad you’re offended. Perhaps you’ll think twice next time
Have a great evening.
I’m not offended. At all. I understand, this is a trigger point for you. You can’t look past your own experience and that’s unfortunate. You also confuse your experience with authority. In fact, being a self-important authoritarian is about the most American thing you could do right now. (I have no idea what you were trying to say there? That exclusively Americans can use humor on serious subjects?)
I’m going to do us both a favor and ensure we don’t have this conversation again. Have a good day. Congratulations on sobriety. That’s a huge accomplishment and I don’t have to like you to respect that.
It’s sad to hear you complain about your son like that but at the same time my younger sibling is exactly that person😭 I almost though you were my parent
I love him, but we have three other kids (one of whom is autistic with severe anxiety) and jobs and parents and siblings. And he just wants to talk about how hopeless everything is or how his anxiety attacks are actually heart issues that no one is willing to take seriously to detect the problem, or he literally won’t talk at all and just wants someone on the phone in case he suddenly dies. (He’s had physical workups several times and nothing is found, but the reality is everyone has to go sometime and sometimes it’s a freak thing. That’s just life.)
It’s fucking exhausting and there just isn’t enough to give no matter how hard we try. Even when we are literally killing ourselves or getting reamed by bosses because of the constant calls at work or having to go get our 15 year old out of school at least one a week, it’s not enough.
I’m going to be honest, I’m only fifty and I’m not afraid of death because it will be a fucking relief some day, and everyone can just find a way to fucking deal without us.
Anyway that’s my rant. I’m sorry about your brother. One thing I can see with my own eyes is that sometimes it’s hardest on the person who can keep their shit together and has to because it’s always chaos and there just isn’t room for anyone else to fall apart EVER. So mate, I hope that isn’t you. And if it is I hope you recognize that you need help too and that’s okay. No one gets a free ride in life. We all have shit to deal with, however well we keep it together for others. Good luck!
I’m gonna save this to reply on the computer, hard to read and reply on mobile!