So many things wrong with this article starting with the title — that’s not what emotional labor is.
What is wrong with the article and how they talk about emotional labor?
Emotional labor is the soul-sucking artificial cheeriness employees (typically in retail) have to affect for the customers’ benefit.
Pieces of flair.
Emotional labor is not “I like to socialize and my partner likes to play video games and making social plans is somehow a drain on me because I want to play the victim.”
“The reality is, no one person can meet all of another’s emotional needs,”
This quote from the article needs more emphasis.
Women aren’t playing the victim. They are being over worked in a relationship. It’s not their job be a partner, parent, therapist and event planner. They want to be a partner. A relationship is not going to be healthy if it feels like a job to one or both people in the relationship. A job much like you just described.
If men want a better future where they see themselves as truly happy, they are going to have to take the first steps. Maybe that looks like admitting uncomfortable truths. Maybe that’s finding other people to open up to. Maybe it’s just starting the conversation about mental health. There’s no defined way to approach this situation and we are all trying to figure it out too.
The burden to improve ourselves should not fall on others. That is unfair. People have limited energy and that energy should not be drained by others that are afraid to help themselves first.
It’s very difficult to help others if we can’t help ourselves first.
Doesn’t address my point. Which is the weaponization of therapy-speak. Or socio-economic terms in this case.
it’s not their job to…
Imma stop you right there. No where did any of the men referenced in the article ask for women to do this. Women took this role upon themself, and are complaining about it. As if they are playing. Like the victim.
If a man wants to sit at home and play video games and you want to “fix” him by making him dress up and go to events he’s not interested in — you’re not doing him a favor. He’s doing you a favor by going along.
And it’s pretty gross the way women demand a man be emotionally available and then immediately complain when he opens up and grouse about being a therapist. Imagine if a man complained about being a therapist every time his partner opened up. You’d be disgusted.
This article does not mention video games. I also don’t see any points about women fixing men’s behavior.
Rather than viewing “mankeeping” as an internet-approved bit of therapy-speak used to dump on straight men, experts said they see it as a term that can help sound the alarm about the need for men to invest emotionally in friendships.
The tone of the article seems to be more about raising awareness of an issue.
A partner can be a supportive partner while not being a therapist. It would be unfair to overstep the boundary of supportive partner and pressure them into taking more responsibility.
If your focus is strictly on the definition. I have nothing to offer. I don’t understand the purpose of giving words that much influence over my life. They are just words that will change meaning over time anyways.
Many of the institutions and spaces where men used to organically make friends have eroded, he said, like houses of worship, civic groups and even the simple workplace.
So that’s why our “friends” are three guys in baseball caps sitting around a card table with thousands of dollars of audio equipment talking about the last time they pooped themselves.
Sounds like a good group.
The older I get the more often conversation with friends veers into discussing pooping yourselves. It’s very weird.
My only story there was I was on a work trip and we went to a Thai place. We ordered everything very very hot, the food was amazing, but the next day my stomach was a wreck!
That was the day I finally broke out the extra underwear I pack on trips and I tossed the old ones in the trash in shame.
Thank god I booked an extra day to sightsee.
They’re both busy attorneys, but she tends to take charge of their social plans. Ms. Tilley-Colson has hung out with her boyfriend’s close friends a handful of times; he hangs out with hers several times a week.
Her role as the de facto social director of the relationship includes more serious concerns, too. “When are we going to meet each other’s parents? When are we going to go on our first vacation together?” she said. “And if all of that onus is on me to kind of plan, then I also feel all of the responsibility if something goes wrong.”
I think a big part of this, is women often desire more social interaction.
If her friends have always been getting together several times a week. And his friends go months without getting together, then that split is easily explainable.
Same for the “milestones”. I don’t think many men worry about that type of stuff, and if so it’s likely not till after the woman has been thinking about it.
There’s a very real problem where a lot of men don’t open up emotionally, but this article acts like women have some great social burden they’re forced to carry.
They can just not, it’s literally that easy.
I’m really only interested in dating other women because of this. I’ve seen how stressful it is to be your partner’s therapist, social circle and keeper of affairs. I really don’t want that. Sure, there are women with the same issues, but they aren’t nearly as common.
It isn’t our fault nor is it our job to make up for your own social failings. I don’t have the time or energy for that.
Edit: men don’t like it when they’re told women aren’t the cause or solution to their problems, got it!
Fuck off.
Girl, I’ve seen what it looks like when a cis man leans on their girlfriend or wife as their sole source of emotional support. I’ve seen how stressful it is when they expect for you to act as their social circle and plan events for them; and I’ve not just seen one cis guy do it, I’ve seen several. I’ve had someone do it to me. It’s not my job to fix someone. I cannot be an emotional crutch for someone who won’t get a therapist or refuses to make friends on their own. I have a lot of my own problems I’m dealing with, some of which are fairly significant; I don’t need someone else being dependant on me.
Maybe you’ve had better experiences. I haven’t, nor have a number of the people I know.
Edit: it’s one thing to vent, it’s another thing to expect solutions.
